Love Never Fails!

Title diatas merupakan judul dari sebuah lagu yang dinyanyikan oleh Brandon Heath, seorang musisi Kristen kontemporer.
Liriknya sangat menginspirasi. Lagu ini menceritakan kepada kita, bahkan meyakinkan kita bahwa Kasih tidak pernah gagal. Kasih selalu "memegang" tangan kita.
Valentine disebut-sebut orang sebagai hari kasih sayang. Namun untukku, valentine bisa dirayakan kapanpun, setiap hari.
Pertanyaannya, sudahkah kita menebar kasih kepada setiap orang disekitar kita? Maukah kita dengan tulus melakukannya?




Happy Valentine's Day!
God loves us.

the greatest longing ever

Hai, apa kabar?
Besok valentine, ya? Okay, aku tahu, memang tidak ada yang berubah.
Tidak akan ada.
Aku tetap disini, dan kamu juga tetap sibuk dengan kuliah dan tugas-tugasmu disana.

Siang tadi, aku bertemu salah satu temanku. Ncha namanya.
Kami bercerita.
Rencananya, malam ini atau besok, dia akan pergi ke Yogyakarta.
Yogyakarta. Ah, kota yang sering bermain-main dipikiranku sejak hampir dua bulan belakangan ini.
Itu semua karenamu.
Karena kamu ada disana.
Kalau tidak ada kamu, mungkin aku tidak akan se-tidak-biasa ini jika mendengar kata "Yogyakarta".
Balik lagi ke cerita Ncha.
Dia bilang, dia kesana modal nekat. Aku sedikit terkejut saat dia mengatakannya tadi.
Ya, ayah-ibu nya nggak tahu dia akan pergi kesana.
Mungkin, yang ayah-ibu nya tahu hanyalah: anakku di Jatinangor, menunggu masuk kuliah seminggu lagi. Baiklah, semoga ia baik-baik saja.
Aku memang tidak bisa membayangkan, apa jadinya kalau ayah-ibu nya tahu kalau ternyata Ncha pergi ke Yogya?
Tapi ya sudahlah. Dibalik semua hal yang kuanggap sedikit keliru ini, aku hanya berharap bahwa semuanya memang akan baik-baik saja.
Ncha pergi kesana untuk bertemu pacarnya. Valentine bareng, mungkin itu juga menjadi salah satu tujuannya.
Dia bahkan sempat mengajak aku, "ayo, Nes, mau ikut? Biar ketemu pacarnya juga." dan aku cuma bisa meringis dan berkata, "haha, mendadak gini, ngga akan boleh sama mama papa." kemudian melanjutkan di dalam hati, aku belum se-berani kamu, Ncha.
Aku tersenyum. Andai saja aku sedikit lebih berani.
Dan pada akhirnya, aku cuma bisa mohon-mohon ke Ncha untuk sampein salamku ke kamu kalau dia ketemu kamu di Yogya nanti. Konyol memang permintaanku, tapi entahlah, itu terlintas begitu saja tadi.

Selesai mendengar ceritanya, aku teringat kamu. Tidak, bahkan sebelum dia menyelesaikan ceritanya.
Teringat kita.
Tentu akan menyenangkan ya, kalau besok aku bisa merayakan valentine bareng sama kamu.
Ah, aku jadi ingin menangis.
Teringat libur-50-hari ku yang banyak kuhabiskan untuk membaca buku, taking tea and cappuccino, menulis, belajar nyetir, dan bantuin mama masak.
Haha. Ncha aja sampai bingung, saat tadi dia bertanya apakah selama liburan ini aku ketemu kamu atau nggak, dan aku jawab nggak. Aku jadi teringat percakapan kami tadi,
"Nes, libur lama lho ini. Kamu ngga ketemu dia sama sekali?" Aku hanya tersenyum dan bilang, "ngga, Ncha."
dan meluncurlah alasan ceroboh yang membuat aku ngga bisa ketemu kamu itu. Ya, rasa segan dan tidak berani -ku yang berlebihan itu.
Alasan yang bahkan sempat membuat kamu kecewa (aku tahu itu). Hehe. Ncha juga sedikit menyayangkan alasanku itu.
Namun dari semua ini aku belajar bahwa, keberanian itu perlu dipupuk, dan semua itu butuh proses.
Kenyataan bahwa aku belum begitu berani "memperjuangkan" semuanya, kuakui benar.
Kecewa? Sangat. Aku pun bertanya-tanya pada diriku sendiri, kenapa kamu seperti ini? dan aku masih mencari jawabannya sampai sekarang.
Entahlah. Maafkan aku masih seperti ini, aku belum tahu kapan aku baru akan berani untuk menyatakan ketegasanku ini. Yang jelas, aku mencoba. Kamu percaya itu, kan?
Sekali lagi, maafkan aku.

Baiklah, valentine kita mungkin bisa aku artikan seperti ini: hari-biasa-yang-tidak-cukup-berarti. Tidak ada coklat, tidak ada pertemuan, tidak ada bunga mawar, tidak ada genggaman tangan, tidak ada tempat untuk kita bisa makan bersama, tidak ada aku dan kamu.
Yang ada hanyalah jarak Bandung-Yogyakarta yang cukup menyiksa ini.
Yang ada hanya harapan bahwa kamu akan datang kembali di mimpiku malam ini.
Kemudian aku membayangkannya. Di mimpi itu, semua angan dan khayalan ku menjadi kenyataan, dan terciptalah valentine kita: ada coklat, ada pertemuan, ada bunga mawar, ada genggaman tangan, ada tempat untuk kita bisa makan bersama, ada aku dan kamu.
Tidak ada jarak Bandung-Yogyakarta. Hanya ada kita.
Oh, aku merindukanmu. Bagaimana denganmu?
Apakah kau merasakan hal yang sama?

Happy Valentine's Day untuk kita berdua.
Andai saja bisa, tentu aku ingin mengatakan Happy Valentine's Day! ke kamu setiap hari. Karena hari kasih sayang bukan cuma miliknya 14 Februari, tapi milik semua hari.
Semua hari yang sudah kulewati dengan menyayangi kamu,
dan semua hari depan yang baru akan kulewati (juga) dengan lebih menyayangi kamu.
Tuhan sayang aku dan kamu.


P.S: Makannya dijaga, obat jangan lupa diminum. Aku bakal makin sedih kalo ntar tahu obat kamu udah habis tapi perut kamu masih nggak beres.
Get well soon.


Feb 13th, 2012
my room,
22:17

Rain

Melihat hujan, tentu menyenangkan.
Hujan yang tidak terlalu deras, angin yang berhembus pelan dan perlahan, dan tanpa petir.
Apalagi jika kita menikmatinya ditemani teh atau cappuccino, buku, dan lagu-lagu teduh yang mengalun perlahan-lahan.
Yang kudapat jika ada di dalam suasana seperti itu hanyalah kenyamanan dan ketenangan yang tidak bisa ditandingi oleh apapun. Surga dunia, itu kesimpulanku.
Aku memang tidak tahu surga yang sebenarnya itu seindah dan se-menyenangkan apa (tapi aku yakin pasti sangat-sangat menyenangkan!), dan surga dunia versiku, adalah saat dimana aku merasakan situasi yang sudah aku sebutkan diatas.
Bagaimana dengan kalian? Keadaan seperti apa yang menjadi surga untuk kalian?

Dan, kali ini berbeda.

Siang sampai sore ini hujan.
Ya, hujannya deras sekali.
Dan hujan ini membawa serta teman-temannya juga: petir dan angin kencang.
Tiba-tiba, aku mules. Selalu.
Setiap melihat hujan dan angin kencang, perut ini rasanya seperti ditusuk-tusuk, sakit sekali.
Entah kenapa. Mungkin ini adalah efek dari pengalaman traumatis yang pernah aku alami saat badai di Malaysia beberapa tahun lalu.
Kejadian itu membekas. Bahkan selalu membayangi layaknya hantu yang senengnya ngejaaar aja terus.
Well, aku emang nggak tahu pasti apa iya hantu itu beneran ngejar atau gimana, cuma dari banyak hal tentang itu yang selama ini aku denger dan tahu, ya, rasanya ketakutanku bisa digambarkan seperti itu.
Jadi, jangan ditanya, kalau setiap hujan disertai angin kencang dan petir, bisa dipastikan wajahku akan pucat dan keringat dingin mengalir di pelipisku. Bahkan terkadang, tangisan kecil juga akan terdengar.

Kejadian ini adalah kejadian biasa (yang hampir selalu terjadi), namun sesungguhnya menyiksa.
Ya, menyiksa. Kenapa?
Karena berada di dalam situasi seperti ini, ada di dalam sebuah ketakutan, menurutku, adalah salah satu hal yang paling tidak diinginkan manusia untuk terjadi di dalam hidupnya.
Meskipun ini kelihatannya adalah ketakutan yang sepele dan tidak harus dipermasalahkan, tapi yang namanya ketakutan, tentu harus digantikan dengan keberanian, bukan?
Bayangkan, bagaimana jika hidup kita terus-menerus dibayangi oleh hal-hal yang seharusnya tidak perlu kita pikirkan?

Baiklah, dan sekarang, ada yang tahu bagaimana caranya mengatasi ketakutan?
Ada yang tahu?
Jawabannya (mungkin) adalah,
saat kita menyadari bahwa Tuhan lebih besar dari ketakutan kita.
Aku tidak tahu. Belum, tepatnya.
Masih terus berusaha untuk "menanam" pernyataan itu secara pribadi di dalam hati.
Pernyataan sederhana, namun aku percaya bahwa sebenarnya betapa besar makna yang terkandung didalamnya:
Tuhan lebih besar dari ketakutan kita.
Setuju?

a confidence, for sure

I suddenly remember my Prose paper which was valued by a-kind-hearted lecturer Mrs. Evi :) Somehow I thought that this paper, my paper, was nothing good at all. I thought it was so hard to make an acceptable paper. I had felt down when Mrs. Evi rejects my paper when I consult that to her. And she said I have to change my thesis statement. I felt so down that time, whereas I already got three pages of my paper. After that time, I re-made my paper with the "shadow" of afraid feelings. But I tried to be calm, got spirit from my friends, and yeah, grew the confidence and believed that I can through this. I tried to give my best. But hell yeah, before I get the result, I can't deny that I feel so worried about this paper.
And then I know my "fear" wasn't proved.
I thank God my lecturer still care with me by giving me "B" score for that. Some of my friends got even "A" for their paper! Haha what a perfect :)
In the next semester, we will see Mrs. Evi on Reading For Gist subject. And by trying harder on, I know it's gonna be fun :)


Tradition and Its Great Influence

The Minister’s Black Veil is one of Nathaniel Hawthorne’s short story. This story was published in America on 1836. Setting of place and time in The Minister’s Black Veil are in Milford Village and around the 18th century. The religious traditions and trusted by Americans around the 18th century is Puritan, as well as with the village of Milford. Description of the situation and tradition of Puritan in Milford Village can be looked at paragraph one The Minister’s Black Veil story. “2. puritan A person considered excessively strict in morals.” (Mifflin, 2007, 759).
As we read above, the definition of Puritans, could be associated with life in Milford Village. Now let us underline the sentence strict in morals. Based on the story, we can see that people in Milford village have a conflict because of Mr Hooper’s new appearance:
There was but one thing remarkable in his appearance. Swatched about his forehead, and hanging down over his face, so low as to be shaken by his breath, Mr. Hooper had on a black veil. On a nearer view it seemed to consist of two folds of crape, which entirely concealed his features, except the mouth and chin, but probably did not intercept his sight, further than to give a darkened aspect to all living and inanimate things. (Hawthorne, 1836, 545)

People’s responses are negative, such as:
“Are you sure it’s our parson?” inquired Goodman Gray of the sexton. (Hawthorne, 1836, 544)
“I don’t like it,” muttered an old woman, as she hobbled into the meetinghouse. “He has changed himself into something awful, only by hiding his face.” (Hawthorne, 1836, 545)

From their responses, we can see that people in Milford Village surprised. And they looked veil as an unusual thing, perhaps as an awful thing too. What’s the relation between strict in morals on Puritan and Mr. Hooper’s new appearance? People in Milford Village usually see Mr. Hooper wearing clothes as usual, like most of people in Milford Village. When Mr Hooper changed his appearance, people in Milford didn’t feel comfort with the changes. The regulation, tradition, and habit that have been being manner for them make them feel so hard to accept many new things that they haven’t seen before. This condition made Mr. Hooper was in the hard situation, because of his duty as a priest in the church of Milford Village. He was the man that certainly have to be respected and be appreciated more than the others. But because of the changes of his appearance, while the characteristic of the Puritan that very respect and being bound to the regulation, finally made Mr. Hooper got detriment. Because of the bound to the regulation, people in Milford Village finally show negative responses about Mr. Hooper’s new appearance. Wearing veil is thing that isn’t usual to do by American people, in addition if the typical of the people is the people that have a strong commitment to the regulation and habit they’ve operating, the same occur to the people in Milford Village.
Veils are usually worn by Jews, or people with Islamic or Jewish culture, and by people who lived in The Middle East region. “B. Veil, Modes of Communication: admit something.” (Guindi, 1999, 30). We can connect this definition with Mr. Hooper’s new appearance. I saw that Mr. Hooper wearing veil was for admit something. We can see that in page 551 The Minister’s Black Veil story.
“There is an hour to come,” said he, “when all of us shall cast aside our veils. Take it not amiss, beloved friend, if I wear this piece of crap till then.” (Hawthorne, 1836, 551)

The citation is part of the conversation (or I can mention it as ‘debate’) between Mr. Hooper and Elizabeth, his fiancée. Elizabeth, the same as people in Milford Village, that curious and want to know what was the reason Hooper wearing veil, finally being brave to asking Mr. Hooper directly about that thing. But then we can see that their conversation looked difficult and slanted enough. Mr. Hooper explained (mysteriously and closely) about why he was using veil, and Elizabeth that didn’t understand enough still and always asking Mr. Hooper with questions that symbolizing her curiousity. It was done by Elizabeth because of her care to Mr. Hooper.
Elizabeth told that many people in Milford Village was jeering Mr. Hooper because of his new appearance. Furthermore Elizabeth ask Mr. Hooper to remove his veil and appear like he was before, in order to Mr. Hooper can be the ‘usual’ person that being a model of a good person in Milford Village. This is the one of Elizabeth’s appeal, when Mr. Hooper mysteriously gave an explanation about his new appearance:
“your words are mystery, too,” returned the young lady. “Take away the veil from them, at least.” (Hawthorne, 1836, 551)

I think, from the citation, we can see that Elizabeth really want Mr. Hooper to doing something to ’restore’ his reputation. With removing his veil, of course people in Milford Village won’t to insult or talk nonsense about Mr. Hooper. But the unpredictable things happened. Mr. Hooper rejected Elizabeth’s suggestion and ‘replied’ Elizabeth’s statement with:
“Elisabeth, I will,” said he, “so far as my vow may suffer me. Know, then, this veil is a type and a symbol, and I am bound to wear it ever, both in light and darkness....., no mortal eye will see it withdrawn. This dismal shade must separate me from the world: even you, Elizabeth, can never come behind it!” (Hawthorne, 1836, 551)

From Mr. Hooper’s response, I can imagine what was Elizabeth’s feeling. Of course Elizabeth was sad because Mr. Hooper didn’t want to share with Elizabeth about what he was feeling, didn’t want to listen Elizabeth’s suggestion to remove his veil for the return of his good reputation. We also can see from the ‘side’ of Mr. Hooper. From his response, I can see how firmly Mr. Hooper was to defend his decision about wearing veil. Perhaps his act can be interpreted how much influence is internalized by Mr. Hooper related with his wearing veil. Mr. Hooper was really wanted to admit something from his parishioners even from his fiancee. This strengthen the definition of veil as I have explained above. Now, maybe we can see the relation between the use of veil with symbol or the purpose inside of it.
We can see the reason why Mr. Hooper using a black veil in The Minister’s Black Veil story, which is in page 551:
“If it be a sign of mourning,” replied Mr. Hooper, “I perhaps, like most other mortals, have sorrows dark enough to be typified by a black veil.” (Hawthorne, 1836, 551)

The reason was related to the definition of veil that I found in The American Heritage (Mifflin, 2007): veil n. 3. Something that covers or conceals like a veil, curtain, or cloak: a veil of secrecy. If we connect this definition with the definition of veil as I told above (from Guindi), we could see that both definition described what was Mr. Hooper doing or feeling.
Now, let’s underline the words have sorrows to be typified by a black veil. Mr. Hooper saw black veil that he wear was a sign of suffering and sin. If we think back, certainly there was a relation between the veil and its color (black color). Black color usually be symbolized by something dark, suffer, sad, and things that usually seen as negative things. This meaning, if we relate that with the definition of veil as I said above, sure we can take the conclusion: black veil is a symbol of darkness that have to be hidden or something that shouldn’t be disclosed to anyone. I think, this is reffered to Mr. Hooper purpose related with his wearing veil. And something that have to be hidden is sorrow. More explanation about that are in the follow-up conversation between Mr. Hooper and Elizabeth:
“If I hide my face for sorrow, there is cause enough,” he merely replied; “and if I cover it for secret sin, what mortal might not to do the same?” (Hawthorne, 1836, 551)

Bold the words secret sin. Sure all people have sin, the secret sin, too, which are not known by anyone except by God and himself. That was emphasized by Mr. Hooper through his says above. Something that he was admitted was the secret sin which brought sorrows, that’s what he would saying. And related to his last sentence in the citation above, I thought Mr. Hooper wants to explain to Elizabeth that there was no wrong person wears black veil, for all people have secret sin, and wearing veil is the symbol of our consciusness about the sin that brought sorrows and suffers. I saw that Mr. Hooper was trying hard to restrain his ego for giving Elizabeth an understanding, but determination and consciusness of him of the secret sin made him brave to say something that shows he rejected what Elizabeth was saying or suggesting him. Elizabeth’s response could be seen at the last paragraph of page 551 The Minister’s Black Veil story:
“At length Elizabeth sat silent. For a few moments she appeared lost in thought, considering, probably, what new methods might be tried to withdraw her lover from so dark a fantasy, which, if it had no other meaning, was perhaps a symptom of mental disease.” (Hawthorne, 1836, 551)

Elizabeth didn’t understand what actually Mr. Hooper’s mindset and purpose was. She felt confused and frantic, thinking about what will she do to resuscitate Mr. Hooper. She even consider that Mr. Hooper have a mental disease. Such thoughts might arise due to the dissapointment of Elizabeth about Mr. Hooper’s rejection. Anyway, Elizabeth is Mr. Hooper’s fiancee, and it’s reasonable if two lovers have a ‘mutual’ understanding and willing to open up each other. But what Mr. Hooper done was the opposite thing, and it was enough to made Elizabeth dissapointed.
Constancy of Mr. Hooper actually could be seen as something sacred, where people should be realize that the secret sin is something that must be hidden. Recognizing that all people are sinners supposed to be a reflection of the citizens in the village of Milford. That in fact act of Mr. Hooper using the veil is something that realy not necessary disputed.
Furthermore, we can learn from the reality that was happened in The Minister’s Black Veil story. That is, tradition has always been strongly attached, especially if that tradition is only attached to the boundaries of one village, the unusual course of action will attract their attention. Because there is a tradition that they run together as a small group of people. Let's look at the comparison with the city. Of course, habits of the people in town will be more dynamic because its scope is much larger. Some people may not be concerned about when they meet someone like Mr. Hooper, who initially did not hooded, all of a sudden for whatever reason wear a veil. Because of the dynamic that has made many people in town have a mindset: your life is your life, I live my own life. Individualistic attitude, yes, that's the reality that usually occurs in cities.
While in the village, the opposite happened. The villagers tend to be more care for others, because they live in an environment that the scope of residence, work, school that smaller than in the city. It is certain that in a village, all people must know each other. This is what makes them have a closer social relationships and higher levels of care compared with residents in the city. This situation may occur not only in Milford Village which in The Minister’s Black Veil story, but also in everywhere this time.
If a tradition has strongly inherent in a community or the level of social life, the appearance of something or another custom sometimes will make the people who did was shocked the previous tradition, did not even receive a new habit that enter it as a good thing. This was experienced by Mr. Hooper. And it was an irony, when insults, curses, and big question he got from his own parishioners, people that should be respecting him as their priest. But I think, the people were not made mistake. They had the right to knowing or asking something they didn’t understand. And Mr. Hooper’s fault was, trying hard to deem that what he had done was something usual, whereas in reality, Puritan tradition that strongly attached to people in Milford Village surely make them asking about that, and Mr. Hooper should be willing to explain what was actually happened with his ownself. We can see from this reality, once again, that tradition has always been strongly attached. People should be realized that if they want to do something unusual, just think back and search for the risk if they’re doing that. Never ignore the tradition.

a precious lesson

Lewat facebook seorang teman, saya menemukan "kepingan" kata-kata yang menurut saya sangat bagus ini. Kumpulan kata mutiara ini adalah "nasihat" dari Mario Teguh, seorang Motivator Indonesia, tentang bagaimana kita harus bertindak terhadap orang yang kita cintai (namun menyakitkan hati kita). Bahkan ada "selipan" doa untuk kita yang membacanya, pada kalimat terakhir. Sungguh tulisan ini sangat menginspirasi, dan dapat menjadi pelajaran berharga untuk kita.
Mungkin dilihat dari segi umur, saya memang belum bisa (atau belum harus) "mendefinisikan" dan mengerti secara penuh apa itu cinta, sebesar apakah kita harus mencintai, atau bagaimana seharusnya kita memandang cinta itu sendiri. Tapi paling tidak, saya tahu bahwa "kesempatan" untuk mengerti ini semua adalah salah satu bagian dari proses pendewasaan saya. Dan saya memang akan menghadapi segala hal yang "berhubungan" dengan ini suatu saat nanti, kan? :)
Jadi saya rasa, tidak ada salahnya jika saya membaca dan mungkin juga merenungkan kumpulan kata mutiara ini secara pribadi. Begitupun dengan kalian semua.
Untuk itu,
selamat merenung.


Engkau yang sedang dalam hubungan cinta,
... ... ... yang dalam pengertianmu - seharusnya membahagiakanmu,
tetapi yang hanya memedihkan hatimu, dengarlah ini …

Berhati-hatilah engkau terhadap orang yang mengatakan bahwa dia mencintaimu, tapi tidak berlaku lembut dan lalai menghormatimu.

Dan lebih berhati-hatilah engkau, jika dia berlaku kasar, menyakiti tubuhmu dan melukai hatimu, yang katanya dilakukannya karena cintanya kepadamu.

Dan sangat berhati-hatilah jika dia berkhianat, tapi membuatmu merasa bersalah karena menyebabkannya terpaksa berkhianat.

Janganlah kau biarkan hati dan harga dirimu direndahkan seperti itu, yang katanya demi cinta.

Jika dia betul-betul mencintaimu, dia tak akan mampu menyaksikan wajahmu menggelayut dengan kesedihan, dan matamu menggelimang dengan air mata yang piatu.

Jika engkau jiwa kecintaannya, dia akan mengajukan dirinya terbakar menjadi arang, agar hatimu terpelihara dalam kesejukan cinta.

Sudahlah. Engkau berhak berbahagia.

Cinta yang sejati tidak akan melukaimu.

Jika hatimu luka, dan rasa hormat terhadap dirimu sendiri sirna, itu tanda bahwa engkau telah mencintai penista cinta.

Engkau berhak berbahagia.

Engkau jiwa baik yang berhak bagi cinta yang baik.

Tegaslah.

Semoga Tuhan segera menyelamatkan hatimu, dan mengenalkanmu kepada jiwa baik yang mencintaimu dengan pengabdian dan kesetiaan yang indah.